Escaping Growth

There is something so magnificent about escaping. Escaping the crappy day we had, escaping bad company, escaping our own relentless thoughts, escaping the growth that is required of us in an uncomfortable season. I’m actually *awesome* at this. And you can pick your poison too. Some escape difficulties by staying distracted through their phones, music, and constant noise. While others keep so busy between work and friends that they could […]


What I Said I Would

“So, how’s that book coming along?” I grit my teeth and close my eyes, dreading the interaction that’s about to take place. “Oh…you know. It’s coming. Slow, but that’s progress for ya.” “How many pages do you have?” Curse you friend who knows I am avoiding this question. “Like 8. I’m at 8 pages. But I have an outline. And I’ve just been really busy lately with work,” I sputter, […]


Playing the Victim

My 20s haven’t exactly gone the way I anticipated they would. Shocker. The expectations we carry in life are often thwarted. My timelines don’t always play out. Teleportation still isn’t a thing (though I maintain that if they can fax a paper, they can fax a person). Major life milestones aren’t always met. Some of it is my fault. Some of it is outside of my control. And some of […]


Tow-Trucks & Therapists

I was 19 when I realized the way in which I was living life wasn’t really getting me anywhere. It seemed I was stuck in a repetitive cycle of making bad relational decisions and then having to crawl out of the hole I’d dug for myself. Give it a few months…repeat cycle. And to compound that issue I began to understand that I had a penchant for changing gears when […]


Hard to Impress

I have been told most of my life that I am not easily impressed. Sometimes it dresses in the guise of  “cynical,” “jaded,” or “highly critical”. But whatever you name it, too often we become the things that we’re called, even when they’re not true. This one, however, is pretty much in the bag.  And I’m okay with it. It’s been my experience that if you are reading this, you’ve […]


Unwrapping Gifts Too Soon

During the last 8-ish years that I lived with my mom, I always knew exactly what gifts I would be receiving on Christmas morning. I knew because I unwrapped those gifts way before Christmas day. And then I would wrap them back. I could never wait until Christmas morning to know what those boxes held, and I would spend days perfecting my surprised face. Side note to my mother who is […]


Killing the Cool Girl

“You really act more like a dude anyway.” I remember the first time one of my male friends told me I was “one of the guys”. I was in 7th grade and we were at youth group playing knock-out as other kids threw dodgeballs behind us on the basketball court. I stopped dribbling for a minute and blinked, confused, but not upset. Was I more like a “dude”? I had never […]


What's in a Name?

“No one gets to name you,” he leaned in and whispered. I let out a short laugh, but not the joyful kind. All of my life I’ve been named. My middle name, Nicole, was picked by a doctor in the middle of a delivery room. Douglas, my last name, was chosen by my orphaned grandfather for reasons I’ll never know. Birdie, my family’s nickname for me, is the one that […]


Learning to Let Go

I had a pair of moccasins that I wore all through college.  I loved them.  They were my “sole” mate (sorry for the dad-joke). I wore them to the beach, I wore them hiking, I wore them places I probably shouldn’t have because unlike the moccasins Native Americans made, these were fake leather or suede, or whatever they actually were, and not at all weather proof. They eventually started to […]


Overcoming Comparison

In middle school, I wore the same oversized sweatshirt to school every day — worn out, tattered at the sleeves, but ever so comfortable. Middle-school-me slicked back my hair into a perfect half ponytail each morning. I loved a few things: writing, singing, and reading, to name a few. This girl had big ambitions. I won second place at my school’s spelling bee and dreamed of one day writing a […]