Indecision, Netflix, and...I Don't Know?

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been staring at a blank Word Document for the better part of an hour. I’ve asked myself probably twenty times what it is I should write about and I’ve been greeted with the same thought every time I search myself for the answer. I don’t know. The phrase “I don’t know” has been a common theme in my life as of late, […]

 

Freezing the Emotional Process

Sometimes I feel the words underneath the surface and I know. I need a keyboard, or a pen. I need to write. Most of the time I don’t even know what words will come tumbling forth, but I can feel them floating to the surface beneath my skin; a long-forgotten splinter finally working its way out. I tap away at the keys. Scratching off the surface, like a gambler scratching […]

 

The Runaway Season

I can measure my adult life in taped cardboard boxes and crumpled plane tickets. But truth be told, I still don’t have any idea where I will end up. I have family on one coast, friends that feel like family on the other, attended college in one state, lived on a different continent, and I continually feel a keen curiosity and yearning for states and countries I’ve never even visited. […]

 

Losing Control of My Airplane

I hop onto my dad’s workshop counter amidst a meticulously organized mess of tools, spare airplane parts, and a few stray bolts and screws.  I mindlessly swipe a nail out from under my leg I inadvertently sat on. You never really get too old to watch your dad work, bare feet swinging off the counter, nose filling with co-mingling scents of oil, earth, cement, wood shavings, and musty reject furniture […]

 

Tow-Trucks & Therapists

I was 19 when I realized the way in which I was living life wasn’t really getting me anywhere. It seemed I was stuck in a repetitive cycle of making bad relational decisions and then having to crawl out of the hole I’d dug for myself. Give it a few months…repeat cycle. And to compound that issue I began to understand that I had a penchant for changing gears when […]

 

The Grace in Rejection

Sitting in a dorm room eight years ago I felt it. The anxious devastation that wells up in chest, the sick that lives in pit of stomach, the tears that threatened to blind, the lump in throat sure to block sweet air to lungs. Breathing came fast, individual breaths hitching as they came out torn. “But… why?” I cried soundlessly, the anger having long blazed out of me, leaving only […]

 

Hard to Impress

I have been told most of my life that I am not easily impressed. Sometimes it dresses in the guise of  “cynical,” “jaded,” or “highly critical”. But whatever you name it, too often we become the things that we’re called, even when they’re not true. This one, however, is pretty much in the bag.  And I’m okay with it. It’s been my experience that if you are reading this, you’ve […]

 

Learning to Grow Roots

The cold bit through my bare legs as I sat on the curb, a silhouetted form illuminated in the cold glow of the neighborhood street lamps. I had no idea why I was sitting outside in the dark, becoming one with the shadows. It felt ridiculous to be crying on a suburban curb, but a hidden subconscious pain had crept in, unwanted and uninvited. Despite the embarrassment I felt, an […]

 

A Slammed Door

Back in June 2014 I wrote an article entitled, “Three-Legged Dogs in The Land of Want”. If you didn’t read it, it detailed my quest to find an (affordable & cheaper) apartment. I live in Southern California, so that did not at all go as I had hoped. I was bummed, and then later had to get over it, accepting that God must have wanted me to stay-put for the […]

 

When You Know, You Just Know

“He’s the one. I just know it!” my friend exclaimed over lunch. I felt my jaw begin to clench, noticing how my teeth were beginning to grind at such a radical statement. I almost snorted, so it was probably for the best that my instinctual response was trapped behind a case of lock-jaw. I chose my next words carefully, trying not to choke on my sandwich, “But…haven’t you guys only […]